Brokeness

Once again I have gone way too long in my postings, but today I have a heavy heart and need to just get it out I guess. So bear with me as I think aloud. I'm not really sure where to start... Today I fell on my knees in tears because I so long to be that mom who is slow to anger, patient, loving and kind in the way I discipline and lead my kids. I want to be that gentle spirit that my kids will admire and look back and say how I was a Godly mother and that they always know how much I love them. My children are such beautiful blessings to me...and yet I find myself so angry and short with them over the last several months. I don't like what I see in myself right now and I feel like a failure of a mother. I feel like I have let myself down my Husband and children down and most of all I feel like I have let God down. Where is this anger coming from? Why do I feel so much frustration and resentment towards my kids? I look at them and see how precious they are, how sweet and loving they can be, what a gift they are, and how God has, and is at this very moment, using them to teach me things in my own life. Is this another lesson? I know I need to give my anger over to God and I have prayed about this so many times. Where has my joy gone? Part of me wants to blame my medication, is it just no longer working the way it should...and while that may be part of it I have learned from my trials in the past that this is God trying to get my attention and I am not leaning on Him fully and completely. So I found it interesting that today of all days, this weekend of Easter and Jesus most awesome sacrifice, that I have come to the point of complete brokenness. As I praise God, and fall before Jesus as He hangs on that cross for this very reason, I am speechless. What better day is there to lay my anger, sorrow, and guilt at His feet. I am overwhelmed with emotions. Thank you for your sacrifice Jesus!
Make me who You want me to be Lord. Phil. 4:13

"Our God Is an Awesome God".